The Gruge

I recently attended a seminar, and was profoundly touched by the topic of the speech/discussion. It was about gruges, the power that you give people over you and healing. The shocking thing is several people have said that they found it absolutely irrelevant. I want to understanding why it meant so much to me and not others. I am 1.8 years out of the worst relationship ever (dramatic, huh?)! I was in a classic abusive cheating relationship. There are a lot of hateful feelings still there.

I have a fantasy where he is kneeling in front of me - and he goes day by day through our 7 year relationship, and begs my forgiveness for everything. Then he hands me a brick. I begin to beat him until he is nothing but a rather large pile of goo. Suddenly a chorus of heavenly angels descends and begins to dance and sing - perhaps to "Go Shorty" by 50 Cent. Satan arrives and begins to scrap up all the bits of goo into a trash bag, and when he is done - Satan stops and apologizes to me. That, my beloveds, is a GRUGE.

Now to tie it together - power is given to those people that you hold a gruge against. Usually the person simply has no idea how they hurt you. So it is actually you that is continuing to hurt yourself, no longer them. This was amazing to me. Honestly, it felt like a light was being turned on. I am not allowing myself to heal. So I am going to torture innocent readers with my angst for a brief period. Sorry in advance....