Lucky Penny

I climb from my car, head down and spy a shiny penny on the ground. I reach out and pluck it from the ground. I slowly slide my thumb across the uneven texture of it, trying to rub the luck free. I drop it into my purse and tumble along to the office.

I climb into my car after a long day, head down once again, and spy a pink foam heart on the ground where my lucky penny had been. I find myself smiling. I reach out and pluck it from the ground. Are the fates sending me a sign? My lucky heart is ready and waiting.

Hello
I've waited here for you
Everlong

Come down
And waste away with me
Down with me

I find it interesting that I should find the lucky heart this week. The week that I get flowers from an old love. The love that taught me that you can still continue to breath with your heart broken. A love that now wants another chance. A chance to show that he understands what was once taken for granted. Intriguing, yes, the idea that something lost can be found. Compelling, no, the idea that I would ever feel that pain again, is more than I can fathom.

Slow how
You wanted it to be
I'm over my head, out of her head she sang

And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

The heart sits in my car, showing me that though dingy it is still a perfect little pink heart. That is how I feel about myself. Though I feel a bit dingy at times, I still feel like I can give love. Perhaps better now, I have less fear of being hurt. Now I know that I will live. But that fear does not allow me to give into the ex. I don’t fear pain, but I do not want to willingly give myself over to pain.

The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang

Breathe out
So I could breathe you in Hold you in

After the flowers, he vanishes again. Like a ghost in my memories. The pink heart floats through my dreams, a reminder that I must protect my heart. His boredom has ceased and his attention is again focused on something different. No longer does he pursue. I am thankful that I did not give into his desires. I have learned how to protect myself.

And now
I know you've always been
Out of your head, out of my head I sang

("Everlong" Foo Fighters)