The stars at night.....

The cool night air caresses me, making me feel at peace. At night the smells are more exotic, the stars infinite and the air thick; it seems more visceral, at times even alive.

When I was young, a friend of mine carefully laid out the stars over my bed, mapping out specific constellations. They pointed out Orion’s belt, the big and little dipper. I would lie in my bed at night and gazing up at these glowing stars, seeking out the points of the big dipper and drift off to sleep.

Perhaps it is because I don’t sleep. Late at night, I toss and turn my mind refusing to let go of things. I reach for the car keys and head out the door. I drive to La Grange or Eagle Lake. I turn on the music, roll down the window and stare at the sky. I still seek out the points to those familiar constellations and am finally able to breathe.

During my divorce, many years ago, I would drive home from San Antonio on the weekends to escape. It is a five hour drive and much to the chagrin of my parents, I traveled it during the middle of the night. Looking back now, those trips back and forth to San Antonio at 3:00 a.m. were some of the best moments of that year.

On a road trip with different ex to Lubbock. The drive was miserable, we fought constantly, but between Dallas and Lubbock, he went to sleep and I got to breath in the night. The stars in the panhandle seem to leap out of the sky. That moment saved the trip for me. Those stars and sitting in the Lubbock needle, all alone, staring out into the Texas night with a small jazz band playing, “Fly me to the Moon.” I think that is the moment that I knew that I had to leave him.

I think that I might need to make a road trip very soon, perhaps tonight; I feel the need to escape into the night again.