Tagged!

It's astounding, time is fleeting

Madness takes its toll

But listen closely, not for very much longer

I've got to keep control

(Rocky Horror Picture Show)

I have been tagged by Holly. I am to list 20 things that annoy me. Oddly, I stand in the shower most mornings ranting, writing in my head things that annoy me. Then I let the water wash it away. I fear opening the door to my annoyances, fearing I will be carried away by the sheer power of them. But now that I have been requested to discuss them, I have gone silent. I think of my annoyances, I list them in order of sheer capacity to make me scream, I group them (i.e., road rage, people, things), but I can’t seem to get them out. So here I am attempting to list 20 things.....

(Why, God, why?)

1. Tennis shoes - ugh.
2. If I say "excuse me" that is a polite way of saying "get the fuck out of the way", so please do. Don’t just stand there and stare at me. I know it is rare to actually hear polite things, but try to focus.
3. People that complain about the gum or candy that I have on my desk. WTF?!?!? If you don’t like it don’t take any, or here is a novel idea, buy your own.
4. Men that rush to get on or off the elevator, through the door or on to the escalator before me or any other woman. Didn’t your mothers teach you any manners? You don’t have to hold the door for me, but you don’t have to check me like I am a linebacker.
5. If I say that I am not interested in giving you my number, don’t turn on me. I might have a boyfriend, girlfriend, fear of men that have lots of gold teeth; you don’t know and you liked me before I said no.
6. People that walk really slowly at the gym. WHY ARE WE HERE?
7. People that smack gum. Ugh. Especially if it is so bad that I can tell what brand and/or flavor that you are chewing.
8. Please shut cabinet doors, filing cabinet drawers, closet doors, etc. It makes a completely cluttered room just a little neater. And it is my one, trust me on this, little freaky clean thing.
9. I have a college degree, last time I checked, you do not. I am not here to make your copies or send your faxes. I am not your secretary. This one goes out to all the paralegals in my group.
10. Attorneys
11. Not getting the check when I am ready to leave the restaurant and/or bar. Ugh! I am done, please set me free.

(My road rage section)
12. If your car’s name elicits thoughts of adventure, large land masses or sex (hummer), it is more than capable of driving through a rain puddle on the streets of Houston. Go ahead, you spent a lot of money for that all-terrain vehicle, drive it.
13. On the highways in Texas, the far left lane is a passing lane. This means that you are going FASTER than the other drivers. If you are not going faster, then you should not be in the passing lane. If you are new to the state and did not know this, then "Howdy ya’ll, welcome to Texas. Now get the fuck out of my way."
14. If you turn in front of me, and then slam on your brakes to make another turn, you are an asshole. Don’t be shocked when I wave my middle finger.
15. I took the time to put my make-up on at my home, why should I be stuck behind you because you failed to do the same?
16. Hang up the fucking phone. Are you trying to kill us all? Is your phone call that important?

(You got to have friends and some personal stuff)
17. People that are always just a little cooler than you. For example, you tell a friend about a new band, and they have not only seen them 5 or 6 times, they slept with the drummer.
18. When I misspell things. I hate looking back over something that I have written and suddenly realizing that I am a dumb ass.
19. When I can’t find something in my bathroom. I want to get pissed, but I am the only one that lives there. Fuckers - imaginary people moving my shit.....
20. Ex-boyfriends. Why do they exist?

Whew. I actually feel a little lighter.