HBA

The crowd grows silent as I make my way to the stage. I slide behind the podium and lower my head to the microphone. I glance around nervously, feeling all eyes on me. "Hello, my name is BP and I am a heart break addict. It has been two months since I acted sane." I glance over my shoulder at my sponsor, and she quickly motions for me to go on. With a sigh, I look around at the friendly faces of others that are recently brokenhearted, and find the courage to continue.

"I am trying to be good. I have deleted numbers, emails and texts. Even silly emails that I had saved, like my favorite Monty Python skit that he had sent to me. I deleted them all. The only thing that I have not deleted is a text from him that simply says, "Love ya." I know that I should, but I still can’t quite bring myself to delete that one. I still miss him, and sometimes when I think that it was all a dream, I look at it to reassure myself." Someone in the crowd, called out that they understood, and I felt oddly relieved.

I continue, "Last night, I realized that I was doing the oddest thing. I had tried to remove things that triggered memories. However, I was holding on to something that no one would even imagine was his. I don’t even comprehend what I was doing it. The last time that we were together, I was helping him wrap Christmas presents. We had a nice evening. There was talk of the future, about wrapping presents next year. Then later in the evening when we were together, he did something different. He placed his arm under me, his hand in the middle of my back, as if he was holding me close to him during sex. It was a very comforting sensation. When I went home, I dropped the wrapping paper in the middle of my bedroom. I had planned to put it away later, then we stopped being together, and there the paper sat. I could not bring myself to put it away. It was a stark reminder of my last happy night. So last night, after I realized what I was doing, holding on to that past, I took the paper and put it away. When I closed the closet door behind me, I smiled." Looking across the crowd I saw understanding, and I felt my addiction cease.