Stormy weather

I wish that it were stormy outside. It feels strange that it is such beautiful weather. I am feeling a bit melancholy. I had wanted so much from my past relationship, even now I had hoped for an ability to move past the bitter feelings toward those normal feelings of friendship. He and I started as friends, and it would have been nice to end that way. It is hard because I still talk too much about my feelings, and he will not talk at all about his. I feel like I have been turned inside, raw and exposed. I sling words like rocks hoping that it will sting him and cause him to feel hurt. I hate myself for doing it afterwards. It is something in me that is broken. I am trying to heal it. My therapist thinks that I should view this past relationship as a good thing, a learning experience. I don't talk to my friends about it any longer, the few that know offer harsh advice and say things that lay heavy on my heart. When I protect him, they look at me as if I have failed some basic test of womanhood, perhaps I have.