Habits

I long to communicate with him. It has been several days since I have heard from him and I miss him. My fingers itch to send a message, I want to just know that he is well. How long does it take for a habit to fade? How long will I feel this pull?

I want to know if he misses me to, I wonder if he misses my laughter, my smile, me. I fear that I was never really me for him. That in all those months I was wrapped up in his feelings and pain for other people. That he will never miss me because he never knew me, never loved me. Was I just someone that was there when he need something, and then I became a habit for him, and suddenly he realized that I felt more than he did?

I should be grateful that he has set me free to find someone that will love me, that will know me and that will cherish me. I wanted it to be him, but that was a fantasy.

I told him goodbye and expressed my feelings for him. Told him that he was amazing and that he deserved happiness. I did not get that in return and it hurts, but now I think that perhaps by not giving it to me, I got it anyway. There was nothing for him to say, because in his heart he did not feel that strongly. So goodbye...

I thought and cried about this all night long, and this turns out to be my horoscope for the day:

Success in love requires changing a thought or two. This may seem difficult, but it's a lot easier than your alternative. Thoughts become words, which become actions, which become habits, which become lifestyles ...