And I wait...

It has been such a long time since I have posted, it feels that my fingers are rusty. They can't find the right keys. I can't speak the words that need to be spoken. I just feel really sad, and I know that if give life to the feeling, there will be no moment when I can't pull back and say, oh nevermind, I did not mean it. Long days fold in upon themselves, and the moments drag forward. I actually no longer come to this site to see the comments. I don't wonder who cares how I feel. I am lost, and at sea. Drifting alone again.

There are moments when my hands reach out to drag in someone else. Clutching and pulling them close. Hoping that they can save me. Really it just seems to make it worse. So I hide the sadness from everyone. I know that people can catch glimpses of it, but I hope that I seem more stoic then sad. Perhaps others view me as more than depressed. I know that the boy wonders why I am sad, lying next to me asking why. Wondering what he can do to make me happy. Odd that there are moments when no one can make me happy but me, and I just don't want to be happy.

Maybe, I should take the time to write out these feelings, to allow myself to analyze the pain. It always seemed to help in the past. Perhaps the fear that this time I will drown is unfounded. We shall see.

Fridays.....

Some days a girl just needs a drink!

Going to the Chapel

Well it is has been a long time, but I have news. I am getting married. It happened yesterday, so I am still in a state of happy shock. I plan to post the whole story, but right now I am just overjoyed!

XOXOX

Dreams

"I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with them later." ~ Mitch Hedberg

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Just a little fishy warning. No matter how good beer aged for a year in 60 year old Bourbon cask sounds, it is to be avoided!

Cute Men

It has been so long since I posted, all my little weekly events have fallen away. No 13 Thursday no Friday's child. I really miss the outlet of my blog. Just spewing words into the world. So determined to get my toes wet, I search the internet for cute boys. A photo to spur my ideas. At first I thought to post a picture of my addiction. The cutest little boy, born to a superhero just over a year ago. His cute little face smiling from the computer screen just makes my day. However, I felt a bit odd posting someone else's son. So I plunge on. I type cute men into my search engine of choice, and the screen feels with photos. So many images, many quite interesting, and though I have never been one to pass on Mr. Pitt. I think my choice is perhaps the best. Enjoy the cuteness!

Holidays, Birthdays and a Wedding

I still write post after post in my head. Talking to you, the blog world in my mind. Every night I sum up my day, I just never manage to log on and type it out. I have begun to miss sharing all my events with my tribe, even if that tribe is just me. Since my last brief Merry Christmas post, a lot has happened.

I celebrated my birthday month with great passion. Even going so far as to spin the wheel of destiny at Howl at the Moon, and then between two dueling pianos, I made out with a bottle (gasp!) and took my bows. I stood in the dark and drooled ever so slightly over G. Love, while he sang about "Booty Calls". Yes, I think that we will be friends. (la sigh) And I wrapped up the month at the Rodeo BBQ(not my usual location) drinking, eating, and watching the cowboys stroll by.

And then today, I received news that my ex-roomie married her soulmate. Great joy and a little bit of sadness that I could not be there filled my heart. Ah, crazy kids and their elopements...

Of course, there has been tons more. Love and kisses from my sweet boy, warm cuddles from Jade and laughter with great friends. Chances are more of it would have stuck with me if I had managed to type out my thoughts and post. Ah, perhaps that is the reason that I need to post more.